>SPIDEY HAS A FUCKING SWITCHBLADE!

>3 Dev Adam (1973)

Goons: Boss! How are we gonna stop those mafia guys from snooping around on our turf?

Spider-Man: Gimme a minute here… WAIT! I’VE GOT IT!

Goons: Great! What’s the plan?

Spider-Man: Build a tee-pee around me!

Goons: Huh!?

Spider-Man: You heard me! I want you to build a tee-pee around me using these wooden boards. The mafia guys will never notice it and then I’ll be able to sneak attack them!

Goons: Uh sure, whatever you say boss.

Spider-Man: Muahahahahaha! My plan is brilliant!

Ok, so after bloggin about the Indian Superman movie I came upon what is a treasure trove of superhero movies from all over the world. One of those that I mentioned in that last blogpost was 3 Dev Adam. So I came upon what is probably one of the funniest reviews of any of these, um, “tribute” movies to date (from which the above quote is taken). And really, how can a review of one of these movies not be funny?

What really makes this particular review shine is not that it has stills from the film–many of the reviews do–but that the images are animated gifs which just adds to the humor of the review! For example, the title of my blogpost is directly from the review, and was posted just under this

SPIDEY HAS A FUCKING SWITCHBLADE!
image.

Ok. So it might not be a switchblade. But anyway, 3 Dev Adam is a Turkish film that the IMDB site misleadingly summarizes with: “Istanbul is being terrorized by a crime wave, and the police call in American superhero 3 Dev AdamCaptain America and Mexican wrestler Santo to put a stop to it” (I guess in Turkey the idea that Spider-Man is a public menace is taken literally?).

The bad guy, who is ostensibly Spider-Man (see the movie poster image to the right) doesn’t really look like Spider-Man, but that’s ok. According to -RoG-, Captain America isn’t exactly the shining patriotic exemplar of an American superhero either:

There’s a lot of things for America to be ashamed of, but this next scene has to be somewhere at the top of the list. I don’t know why, but Captain America decides to hang from the ceiling in what has got to be one of the most bullshit non-scripted action sequences of all time. He hangs upside-down punching and kicking his enemies away with about as much force as a quivering newborn kitten. At one point he’s hanging upside-down as if he thinks he’s fuckin’ Batman. This is the hero that’s supposed to represent America? If that’s the case, I’m frankly amazed our country hasn’t been conquered by Iceland.

You have to see the animated gifs while reading the review to get the full effect.

After complaints about Santo shoving things down his crotch, -RoG- gives us a little political commentary:

This is one of the only times we actually see him do something sorta like the real Spider-Man would do. He scales the wall of a house. Ok, he doesn’t actually climb it with his bare hands sticking to it or anything, he climbs up a drainage pipe. But hey, in a movie this absurdly weak, beggars can’t be choosers.

He soon makes his way into the woman’s house and finds her in the shower and strangles her to death. There’s two things I never thought I’d see happen in my life:

1) A monkey in charge of things at the oval office.
2) Spider-Man strangle a nude woman to death.

Well, now that I’ve seen both, I guess nothing from this point on will come as a shock.

Not that I’m knocking his review, but this just seemed like too cheap a shot. Given quality of the movie maybe it was warranted. I don’t know, or really care. The little blurb about the killer guinea pigs was interesting though and I can’t see why there should be blow up dolls in the underground den of the bad guys either.

killer guinea pigs

Apparently the Spidey in this movie has the powers of Jamie Maddrox or something like that as it appears that Santo and Captain America have to fight several Spideys. But after the first, -RoG-‘s commentary:

Hell, Santo comes walking into the room with a dead Spidey hoisted up on his shoulders. I guess Santo ran out of room in his crotch, otherwise he surely would’ve shoved that dead Spider-Man in it, rather than carry him on his shoulders.

just made me loller.

It’s kinda hard to tell if this is a serious movie, or if it happened to somehow follow on the heels of the Batman 60s camp (did the series ever get aired in Turkey?), but actually I guess what I’m wondering most is why the choice of Marvel Characters rather DC. I would have thought the DC characters were more iconic and international (especially given all the Superman/Wonder Woman/Captain Marvel/Plastic Man movie knock offs world wide).

Anyway, just read the review, enjoy the gifs, and have a good time. If you want to get a copy of this or any of the other movies I’ve blogged about, check out the links in this post.

__________
filed under: Asia; Asia Minor; Middle East; Turkey; movies

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